Margo wrote to us about her own experience:

Facebook's new "stay connected" sidebar will show you ANYONE in your friend list. Including dead people. I've been asked twice this week to improve the Facebook existence of someone who passed away this summer, despite emailing them several times to alert them of this person's untimely demise.

You can set a deceased Facebook user's page to memorial mode, but this requires action on the part of someone close to that person. Not all dead Facebook users' pages are memorialized, and it's not clear that being in memorial mode keeps the late Facebook user's name out of your "Reconnect" suggestions. Putting a dead person's profile in memorial mode does remove them from all suggestions.

Of course, the "reconnect" feature doesn't just encourage us to interact with the dead—it also suggests that we stay in touch with people we might be in contact with every day. Or who we don't want to be in contact with at all.

Have you had any incredibly awkward "Reconnect" suggestions? Does anyone actually like this feature?

Memories of Friends Departed Endure on Facebook [Facebook Blog]
Contact form: Deceased [Facebook]

Facebook Memorializes Dead With New Reconnect Feature [ChannelWeb]

The caskets and urns are made in the USA by Star Legacy Funeral Network, Inc., which also supplies coffins to Overstock.com and Costco. (Funeral homes are required by law to let families supply their own caskets or urns.) They are delivered via FedEx within 48 hours of ordering, and can be delivered directly to the funeral home.

Or, like my family's former pastor, you can buy your coffin early, store it in your home, and freak out your neighbors when you move.

Walmart's caskets cost between $1,000 and $3,100. They are not returnable.

Wal-Mart now selling caskets, urns online [MSNBC] (Thanks, Walter!)

In a letter to consumers back in May, the company wrote:

If you have chosen not to participate in Blair's recall of our Full-Length Chenille Bath Robe or if you haven't yet returned your robe to us, we urge you rethink your decision to keep it. While we are pleased that you value your robe, we urge you in the strongest possible terms to discontinue using the robe immediately and return it to us, even if your robe appears to be safe. Some robes fail to meet federal flammability requirements and present a risk of serious burns to consumers if they are exposed to an open flame.

The horrible irony here is that the catalog photo for the original chenille robe has a candlestick in the background.

Blair Expands Recall To All Women's Chenille Apparel Due to Burn Hazard; Additional Reported Deaths Prompt Re-Announcement of Robe Recall [CPSC]
Important Product Recall Information [Blair]

Flammable Robes Keep Killing People - Recall Reissued

An argument ensued, after which the employees attacked and began beating the woman. She later died from her injuries.

From the AFP:

They started to hit her because she didn't do what they said," the paper quoted her husband Chen Baolin as saying.
"I got there and tried to stop them but they kept beating her."

Walmart confirmed that the attackers were Walmart security associates and offered their condolences. They say they are cooperating with "the relevant authorities."

2 China Wal-Mart workers arrested after death [Yahoo!]
Woman beaten to death at China Wal-Mart: police [Google] (Thanks, G!)
(Photo:largeheartedboy)

The press release came out, of course, at the end of the East Coast business day, and on a Friday. The Mays family is fighting back, with a press release criticizing the medical examiner's office for releasing the information at all and a Twitter campaign criticizing news outlets for picking up the story.

Autopsy: Cocaine contributed to Billy Mays' death [AP]
Statement from Billy Mays' Family In Response to Medical Examiner's Report [Press Release]

(Picture: azrainman)

Here are a few others to avoid:

Magnetix Magnetic building sets
Recalled: March 31, 2006; April 19, 2007
How many: 4 million sets
Hazard: Tiny magnets inside the plastic building pieces and rods can fall out. Magnets found by young children can be swallowed or aspirated. If more than one magnet is swallowed, the magnets can attract to each other and cause intestinal perforation or blockage, which can be fatal.
Incidents/Injuries: CPSC is aware of one death and at least 27 serious injuries.

Easy Bake Ovens
Recalled: July 19, 2007
How many: 1 million
Hazard: Young children can insert their hands into the oven's front opening, and get their hands or fingers caught, posing entrapment and burn hazards.
Incidents/Injuries: Easy-Bake has received 249 reports of children getting their hands or fingers caught in the oven's opening, including 77 reports of burns, 16 of which were reported as second and third-degree burns. Easy-Bake also received one report of a serious burn that required a partial finger amputation to a 5-year-old girl.

Evenflo Happy Camper play yards
Recalled: June 25, 1997; March 8, 2006
How many: 1.2 million
Hazard: The product can collapse, trapping the child in the "V" formed by the folded top rails. The rotating plastic hinges can crack or break, presenting a sharp edge or possibly allowing the child to escape.
Incidents/Injuries: Evenflo and the CPSC are aware of three deaths involving the play yards.

Check out the whole list here.

Secondhand woes: 10 recalled children's products to avoid [Consumer Reports]

From today's story:

Previously, the International Agency for Research on Cancer (IARC) assessed sunbeds and sunlamps as "probably carcinogenic to humans". But it now says their use is definitively "carcinogenic to humans".

It made its decision following a review of research which concluded that the risk of melanoma - the most deadly form of skin cancer - was increased by 75% in people who started using sunbeds regularly before the age of 30.

In addition, several studies have linked sunbed use to a raised risk of melanoma of the eye.

What's funny about this news is it comes just a couple of weeks after a report that says the number of moles on your body, not sunlight, "is the most important factor in the risk of getting this dangerous form of skin cancer." From that story, dated July 12th:

The scientists involved in the study maintain that sunshine causes only a small proportion of melanoma cases, but in their opinion health warnings would be more useful if they focused on people who have more than 100 moles, and taught them to check regularly the moles for changes in shape, size or colour.

[...]

Dr Veronique Bataille, a researcher at King's College, London, and dermatologist at West Hertfordshire NHS Trust, argues that we have overemphasised the risk of sun exposure.

She said: "Let's keep sunshine in the picture because it does make you age and causes you wrinkles - we have never denied that. But let's move away from scaring people by saying they are going to die because they go in the sun."

What can we learn from these stories? Everything is trying to give you cancer. Go to bed.

"'No doubt' sunbeds cause cancer" [BBC]
"Sunshine warnings over skin cancer risk 'overstated'" [Yahoo!]
(Photo: Whatshername?)

Taco Bell Chihuahua Dies at 15 [Us Weekly] (Photo: NightRPStar)

But Kiplinger points out that for all his quirks (including those not money related), Jackson made one very smart move: he had a proper estate plan in place, one that will not only transition his assets efficiently but also keep most of his financial dealings out of the press.

What can we learn from Jackson in this regard? Here are four lessons Kiplinger highlights:

1. Write a will.
2. Consider a living trust.
3. Name a guardian.
4. Assemble a good team.

If nothing else, Jackson's last money move serves to remind us all that we need to get at least the basics of estate planning in place by having a will. And as we've also seen from his life, this planning becomes all the more important when children are involved.

4 Estate-Planning Lessons From Michael Jackson [Kiplinger]

— FREE MONEY FINANCE
(Photo: frankieleon)

Why run the spot? For starters, both Telebrands and the Mays family know that Billy would have wanted it that way.

"We struggled with this decision," [Telebrands CEO A.J.] Khubani tells DailyFinance. "There's no precedent, and we really don't know what's going to happen. There could be a tremendous backlash."

There's a lot at stake. The new infomercial will air in "every market in the country," Khubani says, and Tellebrands spent millions on the airtime. The spot has been tested in several markets, on a very limited basis, in the weeks before Mays's death. "We've been watching the results, and they haven't gotten worse or better, which means people are buying the product because they like the product," says Khubani. "Quite frankly, I think it's the product that's going to carry the day, although Billy Mays certainly enhances it. Still, we're taking a big gamble on using a spokesman who's not with us."

How will you react upon seeing a new Billy Mays spot? Fear of zombie pitchmen? Happiness at seeing him still on the air, doing what he loved?

For Billy Mays, one final pitch [DailyFinance]
Jupiter Jack [Official Site]

PREVIOUSLY:
Billy Mays Dead At 50
Billy Mays: A Look Back At A Television Legend
Billy Mays Likely Died Of Heart Disease

I hadn't seen most of these commercials, since I own and obsessively use a Tivo. Did we miss your favorite ad or clip? Share it in the comments.

(Photo: azrainman)

1. Graduating from college
2. Getting your first job
3. Getting married
4. Birth of a child
5. Buying your first home
6. Sending your child to college
7. Changing jobs
8. Working at home
9. Selling your home
10. Buying a second home
11. Getting hit with a major illness or injury
12. Getting divorced
13. Retiring
14. Death of a spouse

(Photo: tjean314)

Although costs have gone up over the past few years, the director of the non-profit points out that you shouldn't just compare prices on the list. You should also compare package deals, which are usually cheaper than purchasing services a la carte. (Is there a worse use of "a la carte" than when discussing burial options?)

You can download the price survey (PDF) at the San Diego Memorial Society website.

"Mortuary survey shows wide price variations" [TradingMarkets.com]

RELATED
"Save Money On A Funeral"
(Photo: mcsquishee)

The insurance policies essentially are informal pension funds for executives: Companies deposit money into the contracts, which are like big, nondeductible IRAs, and allocate the cash among investments that grow tax-free. Over time, employers receive tax-free death benefits when employees, former employees and retirees die.

Update: Here's a bit more information on the practice, since (as Esquire99 points out below) any policies taken out since 2006 require employee consent.

Efforts to rein in the practice largely have been unsuccessful, including the most recent rules Congress enacted in 2006. The rules limit companies to buying life insurance to just the top third of earners, who must provide consent. But the rules don't apply to life-insurance that employers bought before the August 2006 rules, which cover millions of current and former employees.

"WSJ: Banks Using Life Insurance Policies..." [Crooks and Liars] (Thanks to Greg!)

My 15 year old cat Spike died several weeks ago of kidney failure and I had him cremated. My mother picked up his (supposed) remains today while I was at work. The certificate that came with the remains had someone else's name on it.

I went back to the vet office (the Cat and Dog Hospital of Columbia, Maryland) and they explained that someone from the office called the cremation company (Valley Pet Cemetery in Williamsport, Maryland) and requested a last name change to "Chronister", at least that's what the cremation company told them. They presumed I got married. The vets asked around and no one knows who made the call, which is a little ridiculous.

I confronted them with the certificate, which displays a last and first name "change".

My name is Matthew and my last name starts with a W; Amanda is not my mother's name and I don't have a sister. I'm not sure if this Amanda Chronister really even exists or is the result of a computer glitch or something else. Chronister appears in the phonebook and I already spoke to someone by that name, no luck. I also messaged three searchable Amanda Chronisters on Facebook, waiting to hear back.

[For the record, we already contacted Amanda Chronister the illustrator, and it's not her cat, so please don't bother emailing her. Unless you have an illustration job to offer. -Ed.]

The vet office assured me I had my cat's remains and offered to print out another certificate with my name on it, which made me laugh. I'm not convinced, I don't know if what's in the (very nice) wooden container is my pet's ashes. I'm going to call the cremation company tomorrow and get them to figure out what the hell happened.

That's unsettling enough, but a week later the vet called Matthew and introduced new doubts about the identity of his box o' ashes.

The vet called yesterday evening and left a message to return the call, which I did this afternoon. The conversation went something like this:

- We have your pet's ashes.
Oh good, then I guess I should give back the ashes you gave me over a week ago.
- Let me talk to the office manager.

*on hold*

- OK, it actually was a computer notification that we have the new paperwork for your pet, with the correct last name.
And the correct first name?
- What do you mean?
The owner's name was changed to someone I don't know, which invalidates the claim that I have my pet's remains.
- Let me talk to the office manager.

*on hold*

- OK, yes, the crematory sent the right paperwork. You have your pet's remains and this is just the right certificate.
Alright I'll be there in a few minutes.

So I show up with the cardboard box containing the wooden "urn" with my pet's ashes, with the old "Amanda Chronister" certificate. They hand me an envelope containing [a certificate].

We had a conversation which didn't really add anything, other than the shifting story of where the name change came from. I repeated the cremation company's claim that someone from the vet office called and requested the name change, but that no one from the vet office knows who made the call or why they would change the name to someone who wasn't even a client there. The desk worker said that no one from the office called the cremation company to make the change, that in general they don't really have any contact like that.

Really? Because my mother was told the same story, that someone from this office called and initiated the name change. That's what she was told, and that's what I was told a few hours later.
- Let me go get the office manager.

*waiting in the lobby*

- OK, she's busy running medical equipment but here's a carbon copy of the pickup sheet, and this is the only document we have and it says that Spike W was picked up.

*I look at it but it has a bunch of short-hand writing*

Is there any other chain of custody documents? There was also a computer printout I saw last time I was here that had my cat's weight, condition, etc.

*looks but can't find it*

...Look, how am I supposed to put any confidence in this piece of paper? The old certificate is basically trash at this point because it's the wrong name for what you say are the right ashes. Now I have the right name, but how does this prove that these are the right remains?

- I don't know.

Now even less convinced that he was being given the full story, Matthew decided to call the cremation company to find out just exactly how the process is supposed to work. If you ever wanted to know what goes into the cremation of a pet, here ya go:

All this did was convince me to call the cremation company. I was transferred to someone who knew about my issue.

Apparently their process works like this:

• The vet office (1) notifies the cremation company (2) through a computer system that they have the body of a pet to be picked up. The cremation company sends a truck out, the truck driver (3) has an office worker sign a pickup sheet, which gets split into three carbon copies for all the parties so far.

• The pet comes to the cremation center and if there's a note for individual cremation, the pet's information (which comes from the computer system) is printed on a "toe tag" which goes with the body to its own cremation rack. The pet is cremated while the toe tag sits outside, the ashes and the tag are reunited and stay together until the remains are packaged.
  

• Yhe certificate, cardboard box sticker and a computer printout for the vet to go with the cardboard box are printed using the pet's information which comes from the computer system, and the toe tag is destroyed. The box comes back to the vet, they keep the computer printout, and I get the box, certificate, and remains.
  

Someone, either from the vet office or the cremation company must have gone in and changed the name in the computer system, because somebody, somewhere called and told someone else to change the owner's name to a person no one knows for some reason. The person I was talking to used the words "computer glitch" when we discussed how the name change happened.

I called the vet office back. They do use a computer system (so no one ever called to make the name change; another revision) to notify the cremation company that they have bodies to be picked up, and they supply the cremation company with names and pet information, but they said it was impossible that they made the change because they've never heard the name "Amanda Chronister" before.

Matthew adds that he's actually okay living with the possibility that he may not have his cat's ashes. He'd just like an honest, straightforward answer at this point:

Still, its the principle of the thing, and if they claim that these are my pets ashes and can't back up that claim, I'll call them out on it and want to know the truth. I might not have my pet's ashes, and at this point, I think I'm okay with that.

But then they would be lying to me, and I won't accept that.

He says his vet is withholding payment to the crematorium while they investigate.

(Photo: fischerhuder)

Oh, and the kitten picture is just to cheer you up if you need it.

1. Learn about the Funeral Rule.
The Funeral Rule is an FTC regulation that requires several things of funeral professionals. Familiarize yourself with these points, and if a funeral home conveniently "overlooks" them, or outright refuses to follow them, run away. (But also report them to the FTC once you've got the presence of mind to deal with that stuff again.)

• Funeral directors must give you itemized prices in person as well as over the phone. You have to ask for the over-the-phone quotes; in person it's a given, and anyone who skips this is worthy of suspicion.
• They must give you itemized prices for any other services they offer, if you ask. This goes for caskets, burial containers, whatever.
• You have the right to buy individual goods and services; no funeral director or home can force you to buy a package.
• If a state or local law requires that you buy a particular item, the funeral director must state that next to the item on the price list, and reference the specific law.
• You can bring your own casket; a funeral home cannot refuse you or charge you a "handling fee."
• If you choose cremation, the funeral provider must offer an alternative container to a casket; you don't have to buy a nice coffin just to burn it up.
• Speaking of which, the funeral director must show you a list of caskets for sale, including descriptions and prices, before showing you the actual caskets. There's a reason for this—see #4 below.
• There is no technology, embalming chemical, coffin, liner, or vault that will preserve a body indefinitely. Funeral directors can't promise or insinuate otherwise.

2. Consider a direct burial with a memorial service.
A "traditional" burial is really marketing speak for a "full-service" burial—funeral providers have a vested interest in suggesting that full-service equals "more appropriate," because then they can jam a trocar right into your bank account and suck out your savings.

A direct burial, on the other hand, can still include a graveside service, a memorial, or any other rituals you feel are important to the survivors. Remember, you decide what's considered traditional for your family, not a stranger.

3. You may not have to worry about embalming.
If you're burying or cremating the body shortly after death, you can probably skip embalming. Here's a chart showing the law on embalming for each state, or just do a Google search for "embalming law [your state]". The funeral provider cannot perform an embalming without your permission, and as with other services, must full disclose whether or not it's required and how much it will cost.

4. Learn how to shop for a casket. (And a vault.)

A. You will be subconsciously led to purchase a specific one. The FTC says, "Industry studies show that the average casket shopper buys one of the first three models shown, generally the middle-priced of the three." Remember this before making a decision, and assume that you're being directed to the middle-priced casket intentionally.

If you aren't shown the cheaper caskets on the list the funeral director was supposed to have already provided, then ask to see them. If the cheaper casket that you want is in an ugly color, ask if you can order a more pleasing color—the color choice is on purpose to deter you.

B. You will be upsold on gaskets, seals, thickness, and various other protective measures that do nothing. The FTC says, "The Funeral Rule forbids claims that these features help preserve the remains indefinitely because they don't. They just add to the cost of the casket."

C. Buy your casket separately. The Funeral Consumers Alliance says "few consumers realize that caskets may be marked up 300-500% or more." They say caskets can retail for $600 or so, but a more realistic baseline these days is about $1000. If you can locate a local builder or know some basic carpentry, you can build your own and probably bring the price down some more.

Here are some places to begin your search, although we personally vouch for none of 'em:

• bestpricecaskets.com
• casketsite.com
• dignifiedcaskets.com
• tributedirect.com
• trappistcaskets.com

D. You may be able to rent a casket for viewing if you plan on cremating the body. Be sure to ask. Also, if you're cremating without a viewing, you can bypass the casket option entirely and save a huge amount of money.

E. Don't waste money on an expensive vault. A vault or grave liner is basically a concrete shell placed into the grave to keep the dirt from caving in around the casket. Some cemeteries may require it to keep graves from sinking, but no state or federal laws do. In other words, unless the cemetery requires it, you don't have to buy one. Our reader Erik notes, "Buy a cheap vault, if you need one at all. I've seen people spend $4,000 on something that will never be seen by anyone."

5. Find out if a military burial is an option.
Check out this comment from textilesdiva on a previous post:

If you even THINK the deceased might be entitled to burial in a military cemetery, look into it. For my grandmother's burial, the plot, facilties for the graveside ceremony, stone, "perpetual care" and all that jazz was $300 at a local military cemetery. As I understand it, my grandfather's second wife is also eligible for burial with him and his first wife. He was in service during a war, but never deployed to a combat zone.

I doubt the coffin or funeral home services were included in this, but my parent's surprise at the cemetery costs leads me to think $300 is extraordinarily cheap. This was in 2004, btw.

Here's more information on eligibility—or just call the Veteran's Benefits Counselor at the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs: 1-800-827-1000.

6. Turn to religion.
Our reader Eyebrows McGee, who is an estate lawyer or something like that, points out that churches and synagogues frequently can provide help on figuring out more affordable solutions:

If there is an Orthodox Jewish community in your area, find out who they use. Generally Orthodox Jews use very, very plain coffins which cost very little, for religious reasons.

Your local church/synagogue/mosque/temple/whatever can probably also help you with low-cost planning. They usually have relationships with funeral parlors who want to keep their business more than they want to rip you off. And having a religious funeral service frequently cuts out a big chunk of the cost, since (some) funeral homes make a lot off of families with no religious "home" who have the service at the funeral parlor.

Eyebrows McGee actually has a lot of good advice on funerals and planning for them. Read these two comments for more useful tips:

• tips and advice #1
• tips and advice #2

Handouts!

We want you to save money and stick it to the man, "the man" in this case being a funeral director, so we've taken the checklist the FTC provides in html table format and turned it into a handy PDF suitable for printing. Download it here.

After we posted this, our reader Erik sent us a "funeral plan" form (PDF). He's a pastor with lots of experience officiating funerals, and he says this is one of the easiest ways to collect all the important data you need for this sort of thing. But remember to distribute it:

Put it somewhere it can be found! Don't put in a safe deposit box or with a will. Those won't be looked at until after a burial. Instead, give it to your children, spouse, clergy or a funeral director you trust. Even better, give it to all of them, so that someone can find it when it's needed.

RELATED
FAQs on Funeral Arrangements [Funeral Consumers Alliance]
FTC Funeral Microsite [FTC]
(Photo: Kpjas)

Update: by reader demand, we have increased the kittenosity of this post:

...it was their policy to keep dead members profile's in a "memorialized" state. Facebook spokesperson Barry Schnitt responded in our comments that they would have honored her request had she identified herself as next of kin. (However, they never told her that's what she had to do). Barry apologized for the confusion and admitted they should have asked for more info instead of summarily rejecting her request.

Barry's note, and Stephanie's letter of thanks, below...

Facebook wrote:

Hi there, all the user has to do is identify themselves as the next of kin and we are happy to close the account. The user in this instance only said she was a relative and used a different name (not the same last name as the user), otherwise we would have granted the request. We should have asked the user for more info and, for that mistake, we apologize. However, it is a simply misunderstanding and your story and their note does not reflect our actual policy.

When we find out a user is deceased, we automatically memorialize an account. Users can also ask to have an account memorialized here: [www.facebook.com] This means that it is frozen (no more friends can be added) and the privacy options are made more strict (friends only). The vast majority of people who contact us about deceased friends want these records maintained so that they and others can remember and celebrate the person. Here is an example: [www.nytimes.com] However, as I mentioned, we're happy to close the account, too, if the person identifies themselves as someone who should have that authority.
Sorry for the confusion.

Barry Schnitt
Facebook Communications

Stephanie Bemister wrote:

Dear Ben - I honestly shed tears this morning, when I saw my brother's photo and the article on your site. And what do you think? I received an email from Facebook and they have removed his site today. You did this for me. You have no idea what a relief it is and how much I appreciate what you have done.

A journalist recently said to me, "We can't get people to comprehend the issues when using group social sites. We can't get people to even make Wills. How on earth is anyone going to understand what happens to their virtual life when they die. Will they listen?"

No one has thought what the consequences are when they leave this earth, even temporarily when suffering say concussion that puts them out of action for weeks. I read a few years ago about a man who died whose family had no way of accessing his insurance, his Will, his investments, his bank, his group social pages, his websites, et al. He had secured his computer and password protected all his personal information. They had even gone as far as asking several people if it was possible to hack his computer but to no avail. It takes years to resolve if one is lucky, unlike the real world.

My brother didn't make a Will or anything that suggested his wishes should the unthinkable happen. Last year, he was having trouble storing files and suggested he find a web server where he can store his information. I am sure he did so, but there is no way I will ever be able to find this out. He left no information on his computer as to where this web server is located. And as for his passwords that will allow one to access his information, I can also forget this. I also made suggestions to him about how to use more secure passwords.

When I returned to the U.S. after my brother died, the first thing my husband and I did was to make our Will. And we did this online so that the executors will be able to contact the online law firm and have access to our Living Will. In the Living Will we have stipulated what we want done with our virtual life. We have also included where our passwords can be found in hard copy and its location.

Lawyers should take note. Do they ever ask their clients what they want done with their virtual life? I doubt it. I would suggest to anyone to make a Will and a Living Will when you are relatively young. Then you can get on with your life. As for those of us who have reached middle age, if you haven't already done so, do so. Don't leave this up to your family to deal with. It will break their hearts.

Thank you again, Ben. My family has no words that truly express how we feel.

- Stephanie Bemister

PREVIOUSLY: Facebook Won't Let You Remove Dead Relative's Page, Per "Policy"

Dear Ben,

It is great that organizations such as yours have such an impact for consumers. Please accept my heartfelt thanks for all you do.

I have a problem which has not been mentioned so far and I have to say I am heartbroken, angry and am lost for words.

My brother, William Bemister, died very suddenly mid November. He lived in Oxford, England. I went to the UK to hold a service for my brother who was divorced and lived on his own. However, if anyone believed he was just another single, and lonely middle-aged man with no friends or family to speak of, this was far from the truth. He was a successful Nazi hunter, Emmy award winning investigative journalist with thousands of contacts all over the world. He was about to start filming his next documentary, 'Admissible Evidence.'

He had a Facebook page. The day before he died he promised me he would accept me on his friends list. We spoke on the phone two, three times a week. And were very close even though thousands of miles apart. Also on his friends list were my two daughters, his nieces. He only knew, personally, three other women, the rest of his friends were strangers he met through Facebook Oxford links.

The dilemma I had was that he had posted a lot of personal information such as phone number, company website, email address. If you have ever lost someone you will appreciate that when someone dies you need to have this information removed quickly for several reasons: for security purposes, to stop strangers incessantly phoning and emailing the deceased and the worst of all, the sheer grief of dealing with hundreds of people who believe he is still alive and need to be informed of his death. It just made sense to remove his membership.

I emailed their 'privacy' division, attached a copy of his death certificate and asked them politely to remove his membership. Facebook refused with the following comment:

"Per our policy for deceased users, we have memorialized this person's account. This removes certain more sensitive information and sets privacy so that only confirmed friends can see the profile or find the person in search. The Wall remains so that friends and family can leave posts in remembrance."

Facebook is the only group social site that has refused to remove his membership. I am sickened by them. My two daughters are heartbroken as his face still remains on their own member's page. They will not delete him off their own pages or we will never know when or how his site will be deleted. There are strangers in his membership list who can write whatever they wish on his Wall and I, his next of kin and sister, cannot even view his page. It is horrible. How can Facebook be so insensitive to the wishes of a deceased member's family? I have never in my life felt so betrayed, angry and sickened.

What do they think they are doing? What if a teen dies for example. Parents are rarely invited onto their child's friends' list. Can you imagine what a parent would feel if they received such an inexplicable email from this company?

I have spoken to a number of advocate groups. They all say the same thing. They have never heard of such a thing, think it's disgraceful and suggest I would probably have more luck writing to Mark Zuckerberg a personal letter. If this issue is not common now, it will become a serious problem in the future as Internet users find that they have no rights over deceased family members.

Please help.

Sincerely,

Stephanie Bemister
Seattle, WA

Wow. Sounds like something a company that thinks it owns its users' content would do. While the policy is surely a well-intentioned "default" move, if the family requests for it to be taken down that request should be honored. If Stephanie is the estate's executor, it's not just ethics, but the law.

Trampled by a mob of bargain-hungry Black Friday shoppers, Jdimytai Damour, 34, died by asphyxiation, leaving people asking: Why, and how?

Audio-enhanced chatter captured on a cellphone video posted on YouTube and interviews with witnesses offer some hints.

The video shows a police officer crouching by a 6-foot-5-inch, 270-pound man lying at the entrance of the Long Island Wal-Mart. A paramedic pumps the man's chest so forcefully his limp legs and feet joggle. Shoppers peer from behind glass doors or stand a few feet away, hands in pockets.

"They need to shock him," a voice says.

The paramedic stops pumping. The man's shirt has been pulled to his neck, revealing his belly. A woman in the crowd mutters, "Pregnant."

Another cracks a joke.

The women laugh.

An eyewitness, whose arm was broken by the crowd, said that she tried to get police to do something — but was greeted with sarcasm.

A woman pushed Jones, who said back to her: "We can't move!" She felt someone punch her left temple. The force knocked off her glasses.

Sgro fell to the ground; her right arm was broken. She telephoned her mother, Therese, telling her, "We were attacked."

Her mother called 911 and raced to the scene with her husband, Robert Sgro, a firefighter. They got there when police arrived. Therese Sgro told an officer, "Can't you see the crowd is out of control?"

She said he replied sarcastically: "I'm surprised we haven't heard gunshots yet."

Wal-Mart crowd unruly long before trampling [Seattle Times]

At 4:55 this morning, a group of 2,000 shoppers began pushing at the doors of the Walmart in Valley Stream, NY. The mob broke the doors off of their hinges and pushed inside the store, knocking down Jdimypai Damour, 34. No one helped him as he lay on the floor.

The NYT says:

People did not stop to help the employee as he lay on the ground, and they pushed against other Wal-Mart workers who were trying to aid Mr. Damour. The crowd kept running into the store even after the police arrived, jostling and pushing officers who were trying to perform CPR, the police said.

“They were like a stampede,” said Nassau Det. Lt. Michael Fleming. “Hundreds of people walked past him, over him or around him.”

Mr. Damour was taken from the Wal-Mart to nearby Franklin Hospital, where he was pronounced dead at 6:03 a.m., the police said.

The NYT said that crowds were allowed to begin forming at 9pm the previous night. The police were called at around 3:30 AM, but were apparently overwhelmed by calls from other stores.

At the time the doors were broken, several Walmart employees, including the one who died, were trying to hold the doors in place but were overwhelmed by the crowd.

Wal-Mart Employee Trampled to Death [NYT]

So it all began when Dan's father-in-law died recently . Now AMEX is hounding the mother-in-law for the $15,000 due, apparently because they don't want to have to go through the estate lawyer.

His mom was listed as an authorized user on the credit card. Under Alabama state law, authorized users are not responsible for the debt. Ah, but you're the sole account holder says AMEX. When the family checked his credit report, they see that its listed that the father-in-law closed the account in September '08. During all of September, the father-in law was in a coma.

Then on the mother-in-law's credit report, there's now an AMEX account that says it was opened in 1982...but not reported on the credit until September '08.

It seems that so they could pursue the mother-in-law for the money and avoid dealing with the estate, AMEX closed the father-in-law's account, then made a new account where the mother was solely responsible, and then transferred all the debt over to her. Now the aggressive and bullying collection calls have started.

"Isn’t this illegal and how should we proceed?" asks Dan.

(Photo: Clemson)

Taiwan banned all dairy products from mainland China today, while Marudai Food Co. in Japan and Nestle SA in Hong Kong announced product recalls. The scandal has claimed the lives of four infants and revived concerns about the effectiveness of China's food safety controls after scares last year over contaminated seafood, toothpaste and pet food.

``That shows that they're serious,'' said Jim Rice, greater China country manager for Springdale, Arkansas-based Tyson Foods Inc., who has worked with China's food regulator. ``Now this means a new guy with new ideas and maybe a new quality assurance system. It could be a healthy shakeup.''

Reuters says:

Melamine, used in making plastics, has also been found in cartons of milk and some dairy exports, but no illnesses from those sources have been reported.

Medical experts said on Monday that, as well as causing kidney stones, melamine could potentially cause far more serious complications by crystallizing and then blocking tiny tubes in the kidneys.

Japan, Brunei, Singapore, Malaysia, Hong Kong and Taiwan have all banned Chinese dairy products.

China Quality Watchdog Chief Quits in Wake of Scandal (Update1) [Bloomberg]
Nearly 13,000 in hospital as China milk scandal grows [Reuters]

"The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) is urging parents and caregivers to stop using convertible “close-sleeper/bedside sleeper” bassinets manufactured by Simplicity Inc., of Reading, Pa. CPSC has learned that on August 21, 2008, a 5-month-old girl from Shawnee, Kan. was strangled to death when she became entrapped between the bassinet’s metal bars. This is the second strangulation death CPSC has learned of in the co-sleeper bassinets. On September 29, 2007, a 4-month-old girl from Noel, Mo. became entrapped in the metal bars of the bassinet and died.

CPSC is issuing this safety alert because SFCA Inc., the company which purchased all of Simplicity Inc.’s assets at public auction in April 2008, has refused to cooperate with the government and recall the products. SFCA maintains that it is not responsible for products previously manufactured by Simplicity Inc.

The Simplicity 3-in-1 and 4-in-1 convertible bassinets contain metal bars spaced farther apart than 2 3/8 inches, which is the maximum distance allowed under the federal crib safety standard. The metal bars are covered by an adjustable fabric flap which is attached by velcro. The fabric is folded down when the bassinet is converted into a bed-side co-sleeping position. If the velcro is not properly re-secured when the flap is adjusted, an infant can slip through the opening and become entrapped in the metal bars and suffocate.

Infants Strangled to Death in Simplicity Bassinets: CPSC Urges Consumers To Stop Using Simplicity 3-in-1 and 4-in-1 Convertible “Close-Sleeper” Models [CPSC]

Portable gas generators, often used by consumers to restore power to their homes and businesses in the aftermath of a storm, produce high levels of deadly carbon monoxide (CO). CPSC warns consumers that generators should be used outdoors only, far from doors, windows, and vents that could allow CO to come indoors.

“Carbon monoxide is an odorless, colorless poison gas. It is an invisible killer,” said CPSC Acting Chairman Nancy Nord. “While generators can come in handy after a storm, using one indoors can kill you and your family in minutes."

Gas generators inside = bad. Thanks for the safety tip, Nancy.

CPSC Warns of Dangers at Home in the Aftermath of Tropical Storm Fay [CPSC]

Joe writes:

I lost my mother in April of 2007, and was appointed as co-trustee to her Estate. My brother was the other co-trustee. Problem was, he shipped out to Iraq the very same day she passed. While he was able to return for emergency family leave for several days, he had to return to his Army unit south of Baghdad after we held a memorial service. So, for all intents and purposes, I was the sole trustee since he couldn’t effectively do much to help me from a war zone. My father had passed the year previous, so I’d already gained some valuable experience and had become somewhat of a hobby-level forensic accountant.

My mom was not much of a communicator, and she held most of her financial doings close to the vest, even in her final weeks. After she passed, I had to go through boxes of documents to determine what holdings she had, tally them up, then develop an action plan to convert them all into one large Trust account that I was establishing with another firm. She had a little of everything: Stocks, Bonds, Mutual Funds, and two CDs with E-Trade.

Over the course of the 18 months, I’d managed to contact each financial institution where she had holdings, fill out and return the paperwork they requested, then liquidate those holdings and move the proceeds into this Trust account. Thank heavens I have a nicely equipped home office with a decent grade multifunction printer and a FedEx-Kinkos down the street.

So back to E-Trade. My mother had two measly CDs there, combined value of not even $10K. I’d actually sent letters to E-Trade the year before with all the various signed and notarized forms they asked for. But nothing ever happened, and I was never able to cash out the CDs to consolidate the money into the Trust account. Mind you, I worked with a half-dozen other financial institutions (she spread her money around) and had a much easier time with them. But not E-Trade.

Calling their main customer service number to ask the simple question “What do I do to get this money” would prove to be a pointless endeavor. I would get different responses from different people, and then told somebody would get back to me, which (of course) nobody ever did. I’d continued to write and call to no avail.

So I changed my approach a little, getting away from their joke of a call center in an attempt to get deeper into their back office to locate a person who actually gave a crap and, more importantly, could help me achieve my goal. Finally, I got a call back (cue the chorus of angels) with a name and number. I thought I was neared the end of this journey.

She explained what she thought the hang up was, that since my brother was Co-Trustee, they needed his signature on some of the account forms. He was nearing the end of his tour in Iraq, and when he came back to the states, I gave him the forms to sign and promptly sent them back into E-Trade. Surely now they had everything they needed and would let me cash out those CDs. Umm. Yeah. Didn’t happen. That was back in April, and I’ve not gotten as much as a penny out of them.

I have the name and number of this nice lady that seemed to want to help me, and since she actually returned my calls (more than once), I though she’d be happy to “un-stick” things for me. Problem is, she is suddenly unreachable. Roughly half the time I call her number and extension, I get her voicemail, leave a message and never get a return call. The other half of the time, I call the very same number and extension, and it rings and rings and never goes to her voicemail. So I’m thinking that she still works there, but who knows?

I’m hesitant to call the main customer support number because I’ve never gone anywhere but in circles with them. But the “inside” person that I was hoping would be the answer has become unreachable and unresponsive.

So Consumerist, do you guys have any “EECB” info on E-Trade? I need something. I guess I’ll bite the bullet soon and call their main number and re-invent the wheel with somebody who will tell me the same flim-flam as all the others. I’ve given them EVERY single document, form and signature they have asked for, and they simply won’t let me at this money.

Matt W.

We don't have any EECB for E*Trade, but here's how to go about finding it. They can be unresponsive. It took one reader eight EECBs to get his own money from them. You should also file a complaint with your bank's regulator, which for E*Trade is the Office of Thrift Supervision. Here is their info on filing a complaint over the phone or by email: http://www.ots.treas.gov/?p=ConsumerComplaintsInquiries

• Your assets. The value of all your personal and financial property. The type of assets you own, including brokerage accounts, retirement accounts, real estate, and life insurance policies. How those assets are owned: jointly with your spouse or another individual, in your name only, or in your trust's name. The type and amount of any debts and the names of the individuals or institutions to which they are owed.
• Account numbers and locations.
• Important records. The bills you typically pay each month, your Social Security number, your marriage certificate, and benefit information.

Many people plan to "get to these later", but oftentimes the tasks end up neglected and uncompleted.

Remember that the care of your finances and your family can exceed your life, but only if you take action while living to make sure these basics are covered.

Planning for the unexpected: What your loved ones need to know [Vanguard]

— FREE MONEY FINANCE
(Photo: Getty)

The funeral home referred questions to its parent company, Houston-based Service Corporation International. Company spokeswoman Jennifer Brandino said the families had requested the company not disclose information about the mix-up.

"We continue to work with both families involved and are committed to resolving the issue to their satisfaction," Brandino said.

Why did the quaintly named Mount Auburn Funeral Home refer questions to SCI to explain what was obviously a local mistake? Because if you're going to be owned by the country's largest funeral home corporation—it's like the Buy n Large (or maybe Umbrella Corp) of "end-of-life services"—you may as well use it to hide behind when you screw up.

"Grandmother's body switched at Ill. funeral home" [Chicago Tribune]
(Photo: Getty)

PREVIOUSLY: Pet Food Companies Agree To $24 Million Settlement Over Killer Pet Food
(Photo: Ariana Lindquist)

Companies defend the practice as an appropriate way to take care of an executive's family after an unexpected death. They also note that the benefits often are negotiated as part of a pay package that has many components. In many cases, compensation attorneys say, death benefits are really a form of deferred compensation, structured partly for estate-planning or tax reasons.

Companies often say one goal of their pay packages is to keep executives from leaving. But "if the executive is dead, you're certainly not retaining them," says Steven Hall, an executive-pay consultant in New York.

We're fine with this, but only on one condition: that the CEO's family members, pets, and belongings have to be buried with him.

"Companies Promise CEOs Lavish Posthumous Paydays" [Wall Street Journal]
(Photo: t-bet)

After a two-week delay to make sure the language of the settlement met U.S. and Canadian law, about 30 pet food makers have agreed to pay out $24 million to customers whose pets were killed or injured in the tainted food fiasco a year ago. Victims will be reimbursed for expenses, including vet and burial/cremation bills. Additionally, "pet owners can request reimbursement for the cost or fair-market value—whichever is higher—of a deceased pet or one purchased in replacement. Owners who don't have documentation of expenses can get as much as $900 each. All claims are subject to review."

If approved, this will pretty much wrap up the saga of the melamine-tainted pet food, and teach pet food companies a hard lesson about enforcing stricter standards on their Chinese suppliers. According to the Wall Street Journal,

Among the companies settling the suit are Menu Foods Income Fund; Procter & Gamble Co., which makes Iams pet food; Colgate-Palmolive Co., maker of Hill's; Nestle SA, maker of Purina; and Mars Inc., maker of Pedigree. Retailers including Wal-Mart Stores Inc., Target Corp., Petco Animal Supplies Inc. and PetSmart Inc. were also part of the suit.

The settlement has to be approved by a judge, and the court date is set for Friday, May 30th.

"Legal settlement reached in tainted pet food case" [Reuters UK]
(Photo: faster panda kill kill)

"Glaxo Says Wine May Fight Aging " [New York Times]
(Photos: Getty)

MedAire, a private company that handles in-flight emergencies from the ground, explained how they help flight attendants.

Flight attendants with sick passengers call [MedAire's] Good Samaritan Hospital in Phoenix, Arizona, a level-one trauma center where emergency room physicians and a service able to translate 140 languages are on call to answer questions from any of 2 million airline passengers flying at any given time, she said.

As of 1 p.m. (3 p.m. ET) Monday, MedAire had fielded 110 calls, a busy day for the company.

On average, the company gets 75 to 80 calls for an entire day, she said.

If you were wondering what an airline is required to carry on board:

By law, U.S.-based commercial airlines must carry automatic external defibrillators, oxygen and medical kits. Some airlines choose to carry extra, non-mandated medications.

Each of the nine-pound, $250 kits includes aspirin, alcohol swabs, nitroglycerine tablets, antihistamines, IV tubing, a stethoscope, a blood-pressure gauge, a bronchodilator, syringes, gloves, saline solution, epinephrine, dextrose, a manual resuscitation bag, alcohol pads and shears.

So what about traveling when you're feeling ill or have a fresh cast? The official cover-your-ass medical advice from the MedAire spokesperson is:

If a passenger already has breathing problems, airplane travel will only worsen the condition because cabins are typically pressurized at 8,000 feet, said Drake.

Her advice to anyone not feeling 100 percent: "Do not travel."

Flying in a fresh cast can also prove dangerous. "Your arm could expand and it could cut off your circulation," she said, noting that the risk is reduced with older casts, which have typically already expanded to accommodate any swelling.

"There is no central repository where these things can be archived and then retrieved," [Rayman] said.

"They don't want to report it because it just doesn't look good. It's not good P.R., you could say."

He said even an anonymous registry would serve a useful purpose.

"We're concerned for safety on the flight," FAA spokeswoman Alison Duquette said. "Once someone leaves the aviation system, there is no way for us to track the outcome." (emphasis ours)

(Photo: rkimpeljr)

He said other passengers aboard Flight 896 became agitated over the situation, and the flight attendant, apparently after phone consultation with the cockpit, tried to administer oxygen from a portable tank and mask, but the tank was empty.

Mr. Oliver said two doctors and two nurses who were aboard tried to administer oxygen from a second tank, which was also empty.

Sonja Whitemon, a spokeswoman for American Airlines, would not comment on Mr. Oliver's claims of faulty medical equipment aboard the plane.

Ms. Desir was placed on the floor and a nurse tried to resuscitate her, but to no avail, Mr. Oliver said. "I cannot believe what is happening on the plane," he said, sobbing. "She cannot get up, and nothing on the plane works."

(Thanks to everyone who sent this in!)

"Woman, 44, Dies on Plane With 2 Empty Oxygen Tanks " [New York Times]

(Airplane photo: Adrian Pingstone)

UPDATE: American Airlines disputes this story.

Steve Turner was an airline mechanic. The day that he went to the Wal-Mart he was scheduled to work a shift beginning at about noon. He got to the store shortly before 8 a.m. and called Karen to ask if there was anything that she wanted him to pick up while he was there.

"We said that we loved each other and that was it," she said. "Then, when I didn't hear from him by noon, I knew something was wrong. He was never late."

Karen went to the store and asked employees to help her search for her husband. One of the first places they checked was the bathroom. She said that a custodian had the door blocked for cleaning and told her the room was empty. She would learn later that her husband had died in one of the stalls of an aortic dissection, a weakened blood vessel that ruptured. It's the same condition that killed actor John Ritter.

"Steve showed no signs of anything being wrong," she said. "I was told that he probably died suddenly at 8:30 that morning."

Karen called the police. She roamed the store for hours. But it wasn't until 5 p.m., when another janitor mentioned that a customer seemed to be spending the afternoon in the bathroom that she rushed in and found Steve's body.

Attorney Douglas Belknap later wrote a letter for her to Wal-Mart officials. It reads in part:

"I do not 'represent' Karen in the usual sense and I do not intend to file a lawsuit. Karen simply wants to make sure that someone at Wal-Mart's corporate level understand the excruciating mental anguish she suffered as a result of almost unbelievable set of circumstances that she hopes Wal-Mart will prevent from recurring."

Karen's son is 5. She was hoping to show him correspondence from Wal-Mart when he's older as a way of explaining what happened. It's still possible a note of some kind will arrive.

I found the phone a few days ago and since it seems to a perfectly working phone, I thought I would put it to use as an emergency cell phone. I called Virgin to reactivate it.

They were unable to activate the phone because my sister's account is still open. The phone has not been in use, turned on, nor have any minutes have been added to it since July of 2007. The problem, a minutes promotion went through and extended the life of the account.

I explained to the rep that I had already been through this in July and again, I asked to close the account. The Customer Rep asked me to provide her security information to confirm ownership. I explained again, that she passed away in April of 2007 and I would just like to close down her account, especially as it had been inactive for so long. I didn't really care about the phone, but for heaven's sake, I would like the account closed The representative countered that I could just add minutes to her account, since it really didn't matter whose name was on it if I wanted to use the phone to make calls.

I declined his offer and hung up as I could not wait to get a supervisor on the telephone at that time.

I called back later and pursued the matter with a supervisor. She was very pleasant, but she explained that the only way I could close a phone that had not been in use for over 6 months was to wait out the remainder of time on the account which they assured me would be by the end of Feb.. To close the account now, it would require mailing a certified death certificate to the corporate office and making them push through the closure. I could not simply mail a certificate to them in July of last year or fax one to them now.

Now I appreciate that Virgin Mobile is protecting its customers from potential fraud, but this is ridiculous. My stepsister has been dead for nearly 10 months. In order to close her bank account, all I had to do was bring a death certificate into the branch. Closing credit cards required similar action.

If Virgin says that a phone account will be rendered inactive after 90 days, then it should be rendered inactive after 90 days. I should not be dealing with it months later and being asked to give personal information about her when I have offered to send them proof of her passing.

Remember, though, that although pre-planning can save you and your family a lot of unnecessary stress later, pre-paying could be a waste of money and often only benefits the funeral home, not you.

"Advertising of note" [Flickr]

RELATED
"Prepaid Funeral Planning: Don't Do It!"

Tracey's husband expected Sprint to show a scintilla of compassion.

"They said his contract wasn't up and to pay the fee or keep it activated," he said.

"He came in and said my father had upgraded his phone, so we can't cancel unless we pay the early termination fee or give the phone to somebody else," Stewart said.

They didn't have someone else, and they said that the suggestion offended them.

Family Stuck Paying For Deceased Father's Cell [WCVB]
RELATED: Sprint Refuses To Cancel Dead Brother's Cellphone

Some consumer groups and the retirees organization AARP recommend against prepaying. They say that funeral homes, particularly those that have changed hands, do not always honor prepaid contracts or the agreed-upon prices.

"We advise consumers to preplan, but not to prepay," said AARP Texas spokesman Rafael Ayuso. "And this is largely because pre-need/prepaid contracts can leave many important questions unanswered and the industry is rife with deceptive sales practices and, in many cases, outright fraud."

"Are prepaid funerals worth it?" [Houston Chronicle]
(Photo: Getty)